Here’s a (spoof) metric converter you won't find in your PDA
(unless you download it there from here):

Length

325 cubebs = 1 furbish

6 furbishes = 1 nautical smile

20 nautical smiles = 1 minor league

3 minor leagues = 1 major league

Other Conversion Factors

10**12 Microphones = 1 Megaphone

10**6 bicycles = 2 megacycles

500 millinaries = 1 seminary

2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

10 cards = 1 decacards

1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn

10**-6 fish = 1 microfiche

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

10**12 pins = 1 terrapin

10**21 picolos = 1 gigolo

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 C-ration

10 millipedes = 1 centipede

3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent

5 holocausts = 1 Pentacost

10 monologues = 5 dialogues = 1 decalogue

2 monograms = 1 diagram

8 nickles = 2 paradigms

2 snake eyes = 1 paradise

2 wharves = 1 paradox

Other Definitions

arg = unit of work performed incorrectly

galumph = unit of waste motion

lumpen = unit of resistance to getting out of bed in the morning = gravity x inertia x apathy

fignewton = 100 calories

jowl = unit of excess weight: = lumpens x fignewtons

melvin = unit of temperature, as measured from absolutely perfect to absolutely awful

yok = unit of humor

vampire = unit of repulsive force of garlic

Suggested further reading:

Thinking on the Wrong Side of the Brain, by Tuesday Kurosawa

Special Relativity for Special Children, by Zenobia Mintz Toth

General Relativity for Generals, by Bomilkar Napoleon (uncle of General Failure, who never said uncle)